journey home ii OR : can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are shooting stars, i could really use a wish right now, wish right now

Liveish blog: PART TWO

6:00 am wake up! WE MIGHT BE GETTING ON A PLANE TODAY
7:45 am well my flight is still happening, says BAA & Delta.com. SO NERVOUS!
8:15 am my cabdriver is hitting on me. i don't have the emotional capacity for this
8:44 am WELCOME BACK TO HEATHROW HELL, there are people still sleeping here
9:15 am Heathrow terminal 4 why are you complicated? This has been way more difficult to handle than it could have been
9:45 am hello, security // the feeling of being the whitest person in the airport today
10:00 am i don't have a gate until 11:20. This is the face of apprehension re: getting back to the us

10:08 am FLIGHT STATUS CHECK

10:20 am amazing things in the duty-free shop
10:38 am i am sitting at a starbucks drinking a (festive) peppermint mocha, because i am going back to America, and god dammit it's christmas.
11:30 am We still don't have a gate assigned yet. Going to all the duty-free shops and start getting free samples of baileys = coping mechanism
12:05 pm Called to the desk at the gate. Mystified; given a new ticket. But I already have one...
12:40 pm Boarding! OH LOOK I'VE BEEN UPGRADED TO BUSINESS ELITE. Have a glass of champagne, it's complimentary.
1:00 pm TAKE OFF / THIS PLANE IS ACTUALLY GOING SOMEWHERE
2:00 pm The on-flight lunch is a proper UK Christmas dinner- turkey and potatoes and a little thing of cranberry sauce.
2:15 pm While we serve christmas dinner, please turn your attentions to the tvs, where we are now showing How The Grinch Stole Christmas (1966, boris karloff)
2:45 pm HAVE MORE WINE it's still complimentary, up here in business elite class
3:30 pm and now for a nap
4:45 pm things to watch: 30 Rock, Parks & Recreation, Big Bang Theory, Inception ...
Sometime between 6:45-7:45pm TIME CHANGE
3:15 pm we are landing! an hour early! HELLO NYC

4:30 pm FAMILY MEMBER ROULETTE, who is meeting me here? The last i heard was "somebody will meet you there"
4:45 pm It's my uncle! off to his house in CT, where I will meet my parents for dinner there, then back home
7:30pm WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S NOT MIDNIGHT
9:30pm home! alive! inform everyone! go to sleep!

I am now back in new england, where a full-on blizzard, featuring upwards of 2+ feet of snow, is hitting us. My dad told me this morning that the equivalent of my flight from London to NYC today was canceled. Christ on a bicycle, I am glad to be home.

alone in kyoto

"This wasn’t a strange place, it was a new one." --Paulo Coehlo

The thing about London is that it feels instantly familiar, like i've been here forever. I realize how blasphemous this is to say, but London feels like America. Maybe it's because I can understand everybody without difficulty (ahem, SCOTLAND), and because it is MASSIVE - though I'm in London it takes about an hour to get into Central London. The trains and the underground feel instantly familiar too- like I could be in Boston or New York or San Francisco. (I wonder if all trains everywhere make everyone feel the same.)

Either way, Windsor's very self sufficient, and I've been living in the UK long enough to recognize stores and stuff, which is good; it's a lot less scary than it could be - I was very nervous about getting stranded in Paris next, to be honest. We've got a Wetherspoon's here, which does cheap food; there's a book store and a couple WH Smiths, a Boots, a H&M, a Marks & Spencers and a Waitrose (which looks EXACTLY like an American supermarket). So maybe I'm in bizzaro America. I've always felt like London was its own planet anyway.

I've been trying to enjoy myself while I'm here; it's an adventure, right? I went in to Central London on Monday to do tourist things in six hours, assuming that I was going to Paris the next day; on Tuesday I met a friend of mine who is a local Londoner for a film and few drinks (it was good to see a familiar face after all of this.) Today I think I might go back in and look around some more.

Luckily I read as about 25-26 rather than 22, which is working in my favor while I'm here; and I do use Scottish words in an American accent, which does throw people off. But So really, all things considered, I think I'm doing okay. In fact I'm very grateful to have not been at Heathrow Hell since Saturday; here I have a bed and a shower and I have all my luggage - I have not been sleeping in a departure lounge under tinfoil.
But I do want to go home. I just want to be back on my continent. I'm flying from London to New York City on Christmas day - this is my third flight booked, so I really hope it actually happens. Christmas here is sort of like Christmas + Thanksgiving rolled into one, so three of my friends have called and threatened me with bodily harm if I spend Christmas alone. All I want for Christmas is to be in the sky with a bunch of strangers.

winging my way home: epic journey part 1

Before I start this story, you should know that I'm a very calm traveler. I love flying, and I am generally unfazed by most things. I've been flying internationally since I was six weeks old, and by myself since I was 16. So the idea of flying back from Glasgow > London > Boston seemed like a non-issue to me.

Basically, I have a method of flying - "don't sleep until you get there" - that usually goes pretty well, especially when your flight leaves at 6:30 in the morning on a Saturday. So I was planning on starting Operation No Sleep Till Boston on Thursday morning at 8:30 in the morning and arrive in Boston at 1 pm on Saturday, and then stay up for a while after that to get back on the right time zone. This usually works beautifully, as it's easy to get coffee on airplanes. AND SO IT BEGINS...

(this was written in real-time as things are happening across my diary, my computer, and one sheet of paper, and will be updated accordingly until we get to part 2)

3:38 am hello glasgow airport! No, i totally don't mind standing around for an hour and a half before my check-in opens. And here I thought I needed to be here 2 hours before my flight leaves for security check-ins, traveling internationally and all of that

4:30 am I don't think people in the UK/Europe travel with computers ever. This country doesn't seem concerned with wifi access under any circumstances - there's never wifi anywhere ever.

5:40 am real things said behind me in the security line: "oh, i need another wee box." Scotland, I am going to miss you.

6:00 am BE AT YOUR GATE NOW! also your flight leaves at 6:30 am but, you know, no rush. Take your time.

9:11 am I have been awake for about 24 hrs now! Well, except for the 20 minutes i fell asleep on the plane from Glasgow to London, but that doesn't count… I'm just saying that if you are a 6:30 am flight you should probably be legally (if not morally!) required to offer free coffee on the flight. It was snowing in London when I arrived - I'm convinced that London is an entirely different planet unto itself, and there's no way that London and Glasgow are part of the same country (but maybe that's because i can understand everyone without difficulty…) My next flight leaves at 10:30 and we don't have a gate yet, so for now I'm just hanging out in heathrow's MEGATERMINAL.


10:25 am my seat companion is another American studying at Edinburgh University. This is going to be a good flight.

11:30 am AND THEN WE WAITED FOR SOMEONE TO DE-ICE US, because we were informed that heathrow had effectively closed, except for planes trying to land and us trying to leave

1:30pm AND THEN THAT FLIGHT WAS CANCELLED. Everybody get off the plane! We'll give you vouchers! Never mind the fact that we've just sat on there on the tarmac for 3 hours, it's almost like we went somewhere!

Somewhere between 2pm and 4pm: It's so close to being like we went somewhere that we get to go through customs AGAIN! awesome! Go get your baggage, you've arrived! (Oh look, my duffel bag is shredded… super. let's get that fixed.) OH HEY GIANT QUEUES HOW ARE YOU


4:00 PM: Dispatches from AA #1: "We're totally going to rebook you starting at 4pm" JK GUYS, we really meant 6 pm

6:00 PM Dispatches from AA #2: "What vouchers are you talking about? No, we don't have those. Well, we've closed for the day, you could try calling this number but you'll be on hold for ages, it'll be great! Or stick around for 5:30 tomorrow morning, we'll be rebooking then

6:15 PM Dispatches from AA #3 "OH WAIT, ALL AMERICAN AIRLINES FLIGHTS FROM LONDON ARE BOOKED FOREVER jk everyone, there's no going anywhere ever. But if you stick around you might be able to fly as a standby in a week and a half!"

6:16 PM: I JUST WANT TO LEAVE THIS CONTINENT AND GO BACK TO MINE. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK.

(intermittent panicked phone calls home between 3:30pm-9:30 pm)

8pm: Dad & Heather: OK! we've sorted most of this out! You've got yourself a flight going from London > Paris > Boston on the 21st, plenty of time for this to all calm down. You've got a hotel so you don't have to stay in the airport for the next three days. Time to figure out how to get to there!

8:30 PM LET'S CLOSE HEATHROW WHAT A GREAT IDEA NOW THAT THERE ARE NO TRAINS RUNNING EITHER GOOD LUCK YOUNG GRASSHOPPERS

9:30pm how do I get a taxi in this city!? Can i flag it down? does it work asdfghjkl

10:30pm in Windsor, where the queen apparently hangs out. Hi queenie!

11:30pm This is the current state of me & my luggage


11:45 pm Realizing that I am going to have to open my luggage in the morning and figure out what to do with my shredded bag. But at least I have my luggage.

11:46 pm SLEEPING for the first time since 8:30 Thursday morning

10 am the feeling of eating something that is not a candy bar for the first time in 1.5 days

11 am Hoarding little packets of Nutella. Maybe this won't be so bad after all


11:34 am the feeling of putting on a different set of clothes

12:45 pm well, at least I'm near stuff and not in the middle of nowhere like I thought I was. Time to buy a new suitcase...

2:30 pm SOHUNGRY what am i going to eat here without going broke? Oranges. Lots of oranges.

3:30 pm But I mean, I have internet access and british tv, so I think I'll be okay. And if there are trains running I might be able to see some touristy things while I'm here. There are definitely worse places to be stuck in...

4:44 pm I am watching something about the muppets and airports. I don't know what this is but it is both a) relevant and b) hilarious. british tv is so strange.

7:40 pm took myself out for dinner & watched the news. you guys, i'd just like to remind you that all of this airplane fuss/heathrow hell situation is over LESS THAN SIX INCHES OF SNOW

10:03 am I AM ALMOST MISSING BREAKFAST oh shiiiiiiiii-

12:00 pm (Central) London calling! 12 pound all-day, all inclusive rail pass FTW

1:10 pm LONDON YOU ARE MASSIVE, how is it possible that I am still in the same city and just arriving in Central London

1:40 pm oh hai ORIGINAL BEOWULF MANUSCRIPT HOW ARE YOU TODAY. this exhibit is amazing, you guys. Also, this was my #1 priority.

3:30 pm I am halfway through seeing all the touristy things in less than 6 hours. (The last time I was in London it was for 12 hours.) I'm really good at this, but I can't stop in anywhere, really, NO TIME.

4:40pm how is it this hard to find a pub in London? It shouldn't be. A Sherlock Holmes pub on Baker St? Yeah, okay.

6:40 pm Hm, I wonder how the trains are doing- I should go back to Paddington Station. I still have to get home... Oh, look, delays... predictable. This train to OXFORD will get me back...

8:15 pm I'm gearing up for another 2.5 days of transit, better go get some food, thank god Waitrose is open. Candy bars, pita bread, and stolen cereal & nutella packets - that should keep me going for a while

8:45 pm MY FLIGHT TOMORROW FROM LONDON TO PARIS HAS BEEN CANCELLED, but it looks like my flight from paris to boston is still on asdfghjk

9pm can I get a train to Paris? No. Everything's booked forever, because we are all trying to get somewhere through any means possible

9:45 pm OKAY THIRD TIME'S A CHARM RIGHT? at least I don't have to be anywhere for christmas specifically. London > NYC, here I come, on Christmas day!

pot kettle black

For a while there, we had coffee in the office. Then some sort of bureaucratic restructuring occurred and then we no longer had departmental coffee. I suppose that's fair, they do make everyone buy their own tea. So I am trying to switch over to tea! At least in the office. This means I drink about 7 cups of tea a day and alternate between doing work and going to the bathroom every hour or so.

As we all know I love coffee more than most things, so this was a bit heartbreaking. But at the same time it makes me feel really Scottish.

we're from north america!

I have been here long enough that the initial shock of UK vs American English has sort of worn off. At first I was making a conscious effort to try and translate things into UK English - especially in an international community, many people only know British English - but I've mostly given that up. I probably sounded like a tool. If anything, retaining American English makes for a good discussion point amongst English studies and linguistics people.

But it still stresses me out that I don't know how to be polite over here. Well, it's not that I don't know how to be polite; I consider myself to be a very polite person. Cashier at the store, I know you are probably having a shitty time; I want you to know that I appreciate your existence. Waitress, thanks for bringing over my food; no, I don't need anything else, I'm all set thanks. It's just that I don't know what the UK equivalent of politeness would be!

For the most part, I can deal with this sort of thing in mini interactions. In stores or at the coffeeshop, it's mostly fine. Every morning I see the housekeepers for my office on their way out and I will tell them "Have a nice day." (They are still baffled by this, and I have been doing this for nearly a month now.) After purchasing something from a store, I will tell the cashiers to "Have a nice day." ("Cheers" means "Thanks", but it's not the same sort of thing. "Ta" is more of a "thank you" than "cheers", though, and is used mostly as a "thanks for holding the door open" sort of situation.)

Everyone here seems very taken aback by the question "How are you?" (and variations thereof: "How have you been?"). The usual answer I get - once the other party gets over the original processing of the question at hand, that is - is "Yeah, I've/it's been alright." AND HERE IS WHERE THINGS GET COMPLICATED FOR BOTH PARTIES:

In American English, "alright" is used to show indifference. Maybe it was mediocre. It was okay. Nothing spectacular. I've been okay.

In British English, however, "alright" means that it was good, or that they've been well, or that they had a good time.

I'll ask someone how an event was and they'll tell me that it "was alright, yeah". And that means that they really enjoyed it! If you've asked how they've been doing, "I've been great, thanks!" I imagine the pragmatics of these particular conversations would be FASCINATING to study. That said, I think the British English equivalent of "How have you been?" is "How've you been getting on?", but that seems to be used to show concern over something.

Occasionally there are people who are used to interacting with North (Canadians do this too!) Americans, who are used to getting this question a lot, and they usually ask me back - "How was your weekend?" And I will say that it was "alright", in the American sense of "it was okay", whereas they are using it in the sense of "oh, it was very good." Do you see the problem here? (My Irish flatmates will describe something as "grand" if it is good, which is at least a little less stressful.)

Clearly I don't want to come off as an stupid American lumbering around any more than I have to, but it legitimately bothers me that I can't figure out how to come off as polite here. To finish a transaction and not say anything - which appears to be the standard UK response - seems terribly rude to me. The same goes for not asking someone how they have been doing! I don't think I'll ever wrap my mind around this. And I'm sure as soon as I do, I'll be back in the States being horrifically rude to everyone ever.

keep calm & carry on: it's a thing

When Americans talk about stereotypes they often forget about themselves - how are we seen by the rest of the world? (I have many feelings about this, of course.) More often than not, I've discovered that Americans are viewed as industrious people. (Or, at least, I am seen as such a person.)

Things will frequently go awry and nobody seems to notice. Well, not even awry, that makes it sound like something terrible has happened. But "Keep calm and carry on"? That's not a joke. That's a real mantra here. Well, they might not say it, but it's been totally internalized.

Little things will happen in our flat- like the lightbulb that burned out in our hallway over a month ago - and nobody seems to mind the inconvenience of not having a lightbulb there. All we have to do is go down to the accommodation office and ask for a new one, but everyone seems to be okay with not having light there. This is fairly minor - the second week that we were here, we didn't have running water when we woke up one morning. No running water meant no shower AND no coffee (and no tea), and my three flatmates sort of thought about it and decided well, it wasn't the best of situations but surely we will manage. I got dressed to go find someone to fix this situation immediately, because water is one of those important things that people need to have.

But it's not just my in my apartment. The other week, we blew a fuse in the department's kitchenette. While this remained unfixed, the tea drinkers were all busy running around chasing/hoarding the kettle across the department. Meanwhile, the coffee drinkers would be herded to move the giant industrial coffeemaker to the next nearest office, sit and wait for the coffeemaker to do its thing, and then move it all back into the kitchen in case whoever's office it wasn't around or was busy when the next coffee round happened. This was fixed pretty quickly, lest the department fall apart from lack of tea. Meanwhile, the door handle of the ladies room fell off and nobody seems to be especially concerned. We might get trapped in the toilet for a while if we're not careful - but no bother! Nobody (besides me) seems to be overly concerned about these things. In fact, I would maybe venture to guess that nobody is worried about anything here.

Similarly and/or tangentially, nobody seems to be especially upset over not having internet. In fact, I know a lot of people who don't have internet in their flat. Not only does this seem to be an extraordinarily normal thing, nobody seems to be particularly bothered by it. (In contrast, I get stressed out if I'm going to be at Glasgow University library for more than 2 hours, because I will not be able to get online without a Glasgow university username to check my email.) I guess it is the same sort of idea of just keeping calm and carrying on.

This boggles my mind, but I am slooooowly getting used to it. I'm quickly learning that if something happens it could take a few days to get fixed. A printer jam in the States will be fixed in about 5 minutes, but here we might be printerless for a week or so, but we'll manage somehow. We always do.

Get off the Internet! I'll meet you in the street

Do you guys remember how, way back in 1998, it was determined that if you used your real name on the internet or you gave out your email address to strangers, someone would TRACK YOU DOWN AND RAPE YOU?

Only 12 years later I am using my real name on the internet with much consistency - between my column (now mostly defunct), my twitter account and my email address (yes that is almost my full legal name!)

This weekend I am meeting people from the internet! In real life! I need to back up a little bit.

I read a website called Autostraddle, which you should check out if you like a lot of the same things I do. Anyway, they ran an article about meeting other lgbtq girls, which rapidly became a Meet Other Autostraddle Readers sort of situation. (I followed their advice and saw JD Samson of Le Tigre fame play a show last night with her new band MEN, and met some gays there. So far so good! Also can we pause to discuss how I was sharing airspace with JD Samson.


...


continuing on, now.)

This was great and actually kind of beautifully timed. I've been here long enough that I'm ready to start feeling comfortable Being A Gay Here, but I have to find them first. (My American gaydar keeps getting thrown off by straight men who are clearly rocking some gender ambiguous alternative lifestyle haircuts, sunglasses, and tight pants.) Even though this is obviously a pretty queer city, I'm not quite ready to go myself to a gay bar. I live near a whole bunch of them, but they're kind of intimidating and mostly full of gay men. I'm brave but not that brave!

But I am e-brave, and it would be awesome to have some gay friends who clearly are intelligent/interesting. And besides, people meet on the internet all the time, through online dating sites, Craigslist, "tweet ups" and other such things. So I added my email address, saying that I had just moved here and don't know any gays ... and got a few emails from some other Autostraddle readers in Scotland - a few in Glasgow and one in Edinburgh, all of whom were very friendly people!

And so today I am meeting one person for coffee and another one on Sunday for brunch/coffee. 2010 YOU GUYS. The Internet is truly a magical place - between email, facebook, skype, twitter, blogs etc etc etc it is bringing us all closer together.

but if you never hear back from me again i was probably violently kidnapped & raped via 1997. So we still run that risk, but it's a risk I'm willing to take.

and you in your autumn sweater

It's starting to feel like autumn around here, which is exciting! Previously it was just raining and being warm a lot. Now it is cold and raining! No, just kidding, we've been having some really sunny days lately.

I really like Glasgow a lot - I can see myself being here for a long time, I think - but for now I live in the city centre, where there are no trees. No, that's a lie, I can see a couple trees on my way to my office, but it's not the same as a Proper New England Fall. (Glasgow Green, where I took this picture, is a park about 10 minutes away from where I live. Sometimes I go over to Glasgow University and get jealous of the beautiful West End of Glasgow, complete with trees everywhere.)

I've lived in New England for 22 years, and while I think I am pretty much over homesickness at this point, but I do find myself being surprisingly homesick for New England fall. I think living in New England ruins autumn everywhere else for you.

I don't mind the weather, I've got scarves and caps and sweaters

I just wish I understood it.

The other day someone turned to me and said, "Oh, we're having a lovely fall!" It is sixty degrees and raining. Fall? I've been spoiled by beautiful New England autumns for the past 22 years. Living in a city often means "no trees", though. But as for the weather...


(image from thefuckingweather dot com)This is what my weather report has been telling me for the past week. Actually, this is all my weather report will tell me. (I imagine I could use a better weather website, but that takes the fun out of things.) Unfortunately, this is not the most helpful advice.

I've desperately been trying to figure out what Scotland's weather is like. Well, I mean, of course it rains; we are in the United Kingdom. But a lot of it is not intuitive. I also have rapidly figured out that I always need to have an umbrella on me - even if it has been sunny and beautiful all day, it is bound to rain at some point. It is also not uncommon for rain to happen while it is perfectly sunny - clear skies and rain (this happened repeatedly last week.)

A larger problem is that they insist on using Celsius here, which means that sometimes someone will say "It's so hot out - 22 degrees!" and I have a little heart attack for a second. (My idea of "hot" is American style 80+ F with humidity.) That said, we've been having a great few weeks in what I believe is the mid to high 60s. I have been informed that this is a "heat wave". Unfortunately this also means that sometimes it will be around 35-40 (F) and I will find people wearing just a t-shirt. I know I am not one to speak - I have questionable tastes of what is counts as hot vs cold - but even I know that 30 degrees is unreasonable for t-shirt weather.

I've also been told that winter here is "miserable", which to my New England brain translates to "wet, snowy, and cold as fucking hell." My office is on this gigantic mega-hill (as seen below, though I assure you, google maps will not do it justice, increase the incline by about 45% more. Today I saw three cars stall out while trying to park).
I asked the English department if I will need to buy ice picks for wintertime. They assured me that no, I will not need to do this. I don't see how this is possible.

Things I Do Not Have, A List

1. My computer
I've had my computer for four years (or 438475 years in computer-years). I've had a couple problems with it - but I was also one of the macbook pro early adopters. Macbooks came out in 2006, which is when I was looking to buy a computer for college. So, I have an early model which probably doesn't have all the kinks ironed out. In the past six months, my mac would freeze or black out randomly in the middle of whatever I was doing. I nicknamed my computer Beverly, as she was old and crochety, with a mind of her own. (Plus it made me feel better to yell at something semi-animate: "God dammit, Beverly!") If she decided she didn't like what I was doing, she would shut down on me. It was frustrating, but something I could generally work around. I knew I had to get it fixed before I left for Scotland, but it's not the worst thing. I figured I had a video card problem, based on extensive Google searching.

Finally I took it in to get repaired a little over a week ago. Their solution was to give me a larger hard drive, because I had used too much of it. Too much of my hard drive? If you don't want me to use the space provided, don't give it to me! Anyway, they installed a bigger hard drive and left Beverly alone to her own devices over the weekend to copy my files over. Beverly did not like this and seized the opportunity to freeze again. So, now the computer repair people are trying to replicate the problem organically so they can fix it.

My well-documented hatred of handheld computer things - I barely use my cell phone, don't own an iPod touch and would never dream of owning a blackberry or iphone - means that I am really, really disconnected, more so than usual. I'm using my dad's computer in the meantime. It took me three days to figure out how New Word worked so I could write my column; I still haven't figured out how to save anything. I don't have any of my bookmarks, I don't have stumbleupon, and these computers don't have sound cards so I can't watch youtube. I don't even have wikipedia to look up stuff while I do my research! You guys, I don't know what to do! It is kind of like living in 2003, only with Windows 7. Come back to me, Beverly!

2. My Visa
I submitted a small forest of paper to the UK consulate in New York about two weeks ago, and was informed that there's a 15-day turnaround time for student visas. Last Friday I recieved an email telling me that I needed to submit my UNH transcript by 13 August 2010. This is reasonable, as it was how I got into Strathclyde in the first place. I can't actually get UNH to mail it to NY, because I have to mark a couple things on the envelope so it gets sent to the correct person. I requested my transcript that afternoon, and it has not arrived yet - usually mail to/from UNH takes about two days. It is now August 11th, and I need my transcript to be in their hands by Friday. SO! tomorrow I am driving up to UNH to pick up my transcripts directly from the registrar, overnighting them to NYC, driving back home and hoping this all goes through in time.

3. Plane Tickets
Without my visa, there's no point in searching for plane tickets. I'm not supposed to have tickets until I have my visa; part of the paper forest I had to submit was a proposed itinerary (this means my itinerary has to be approved by The Government.)

I LEAVE IN FIVE WEEKS.
Can you tell that I'm stressed about all of this?