so this is the new year

I could write something long and redundant about 2010 in this space, but I won't. I think if you've been keeping up with my blog, you know that 2010 has been a big year for me. A new chapter at the dawn of a new decade, etc. I think it's been a good one, but I also think it's too early to say that.

The one thing I will say about 2010 is that it taught me a lot about myself. I've grown up a lot this year. I am happy with the person I am (becoming).

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Usually, I'm not one for new year's resolutions. I always forget them after a day or two. I do have a new year's resolution for the blog though- I want to make it more interesting, rather than talking about being cold all the time. Unfortunately, my day-to-day life is rather boring - I sit in an office and read/write all day. But in my free time I'm doing some cool things, so I'll try to write about that. Deal?

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2011. It feels weird in my mouth, like every new year does.

Meet All The People!

One of my advisors got me in touch with a majority of the other postgraduates in the English Department. They are all very nice, taking me out to lunch/dinner/coffee, etc. They are all very nerdy intelligent people who get really excited about immensely nerdy things. (One of them, for example, is writing his PhD dissertation on Scottish avant-garde magazines from the 60s.) One of my advisors actually invented literary linguistics, and everyone works on it to some extent here. I am in the right place! I HAVE FOUND MY PEOPLE. it is very, very comforting.

I will be working with some people at Glasgow University and I am to look at the linguistics lectures at the university of Edinburgh (they have a very famous linguistics dept) and attend some of their lecture series while writing and researching my MRes project. On top of all of that, I've been asked to work on a project about poetic verse. (I have been assured that I do not need to work at quote "breakneck American pace", though I'm not really sure how that will work.)

We have a postgraduate room full of desks and ancient computers which is charming in it's own sort of way (though we have a beautiful view of the city), and we have a kitchenette complete with a coffeepot (coffee is not A Thing here, tea is, which is fine except for the fact that you need me awake!) Most people drink instant coffee, which is far from acceptable; I've been told that "filter coffee" as it's called here is a big treat. (I bought the most american-looking coffeepot of all time for the apartment. My roommates are baffled by it, but don't seem to mind it.)

And the mystery 4th roommate showed up! She is also Irish and also studying Forensic Science. It turns out that she is from the same school as our other Irish flatmate - they went to undergrad together, took classes together, never met each other, but know all the same people and now are living together. It's unlikely, that's for sure.

I keep forgetting that i am an "international student" so I'm trying to get on board with that. I went to a International Student mixer yesterday evening and had fun, so maybe i will keep going to those. It's hard to meet people in a city, I think - I guess I have to go find some hobbies and get going with those. But really, I wish there was another American here. (there's a lot of canadians, which is kind of nice.) But, like, I miss America and American things. I feel like I'm in America sometimes, except for the fact that nothing is recognizably american. A lot of the brands are the same, but I don't know where to buy these sorts of things.

I was writing this while I wait for our hot water to turn on. As you can imagine I am not a big fan of this system of "turn on the hot water". Can't a girl just get a warm shower in the morning without having to wait?

You said, "I'll see you in September"

it's weird to not be at unh today.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes!

Sometimes I get really freaked out over moving to a new country. It's not like I will be a state or two away from home.

But then I remember that the ocean is a state
and a country is a state
and when you look at it that way

I really will be only a few states away.

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I'm bad at change and this is a big one.

I have the pre-college jitters again. Only this time they are simultaneously pre- and post-college jitters. I know what I am doing. I know what academia is like, I know what I am studying and how to study it. But I don't know what happens next.

Nobody moves transatlantically by themselves to a new country for five years immediately out of college... right? I mean, I guess if you are in the peace corps or if you are one of my friends teaching English in a third-world country you are in the same boat as me. But you have a timeline, and then you come back home. I am pretty much moving to a new country semi-permanently; I don't know if I will ever be moving back to the States, which is terrifying in the present tense. I don't know anyone there, I'm going alone. It's not like a study abroad program where there's a whole crowd of people - I'm going by myself.

Right now, five years feels very permanent - even though I am going to be fine in the long run. People move all the time, and besides, you have to move sometime. You don't want to stay in one place for too long anyway. Everything is always fine once you get settled.

But in the meantime, everyone wants me to be excited about Scotland. And I am, I promise. I worked really hard to get into this program. It's just that right now I feel like I'm treading water while holding a toaster above my head.

i can't see the future but i know it has big plans for me

A month from today I will be in Scotland, moving into my flat, and about to start my first semester of grad school.

I am terrified, but I know it's where I should be, need to be, and want to be.