aye, welcome back to glasgae!

Getting back to Glasgow was only 7000% easier than trying to get from the UK to the US a few weeks ago, despite the 2+feet of snow we had in the Northeast the day before I was flying, so we'll skip over that, as it's pretty boring ("Sitting on a plane!" "This plane is leaving the airport!" "We are landing!" "Welcome back to Heathrow DID YOU MISS US" "Scotland!"). I am still super-jet lagged and that's going to be ongoing for a while, unfortunately -I went out for pints earlier and nearly fell asleep on the table, came home, slept for an hour and a half, woke up panicked, and now can't get back to sleep...

But anyway.

You know what? Scotland's a ridiculous country. Like, I legitimately have no idea how this place manages to function, but I did miss it in it's own little way. While I was home I found myself longing for kettles (how do we live without these?), pub life, how small things are "wee", the ridiculous unpreparedness for any weather event that is not rain, mayo or butter in everything, severe Scottish liberalism about everything ever... even not entirely understanding anything anyone says to me again is kind of fun! (I admit I did not miss having everything close at 7 pm.)

And, you know, coming back and having friends who are excited to see you is nice too - it makes it a lot less scary than the first time I landed, knowing nothing about the city (and only one person on the continent!). This semester a bunch of people I know from UNH are doing study-abroads in the UK, so I think that this will prove to be a little less alienating. It's nice to know other people in the same time zone as you.

I think I've been doing really well at assimilating to Scottish/British culture. Glasgow's a mad city, as the Brits would say, but it's almost starting to make sense.

we've been going transcontinental

It's good to be back in America, but I won't lie - it's been a little strange. I'm sometimes slow to warm up to new places until I get really comfortable there. It's like coming home after your first semester of college - everything is comfortable at home, because you know it.

Though I do really like living in Glasgow, I had missed America a lot; there's a lot of familiar American things that I had taken for granted for the past 22 years. On the other hand, it was like reverse culture shock to come back to the States. I guess I've integrated myself into Scottish/UK culture pretty well. It helps that I'm surrounded 24/7 by Europeans.

My friends in the UK are convinced that everything about America is huge. I respectfully disagreed with parts of this - America itself is huge, you could travel for hours and only make it across a few states - until I came back. Everything IN America is massive! The roads, the portions, the stores.... I went to supermarket recently and was just floored by how much stuff we can cram into one store. I'd have to go to three separate places to get all the stuff we sell in one store. It's almost excessive. I was equally amazed by Wal-Mart, Best Buy and Barnes & Noble. (The other thing that floors me is how expensive America seems to be - I've been thinking in pounds rather than dollars. Of course, when you convert everything, it evens out.)

Now, I am not a fashionista in any sense of the word. I can barely put together an outfit by myself - I have effectively one outfit in a few different colors. When I first came to Glasgow I was amazed at how fashionable and well-put-together everyone was; coming back I am amazed at what some people wear in public - American standards for clothing is appalling. I mean, cargo pants? really? Simultaneously I feel awkwardly underdressed for UK standards and overdressed for American standards, which is a little strange.

I even speak this really weird combination of American and Scots English that I didn't realize I was doing. While I was in London, I kept throwing people off by saying really Scottish things with an American accent, but I chalked that up to simply still being in the UK. I came back here and catch myself saying some really BrE/Scots things, like "hiya" and "cheers", which must make me sound really strange. The other day I said "jumper" - I don't even say jumper in the UK! It's nice to hear so many American accents and not have to mentally translate them, but I almost fell out of my chair when I heard a proper Boston accent the other day in the coffeeshop.

I have an ex-boyfriend who lived in Europe for some time growing up. There's a lot about him I understand now, that I didn't understand before. I've definitely noticed how I feel about a lot of things now have changed from three months ago. For starters, I am really alarmed at how self-centered and self-congratulatory American news is... Yes, there's a lot of America, but things that are happening in the world affect us much more than we think! Previously I was amazed at what UK news chooses to highlight about American news, but I came back and read the past months' TIME magazines, like the Person of the Year stuff and all of that, and it is SO us-centric, which is really kind of disappointing, you know?

I do miss how ridiculous the UK can be over simple things. But it's good to be back in the land of fame & excess.

And I never love England more than when covered in snow

Strathclyde is on a mega death hill - a fairly steep one. (I don't know who thought that was a good idea.) All of this snow - all six inches of it - is making everyone nervous, so I have a snow day today. I can kind of see why they're worried about people falling and dying on the hills. Glasgow Uni is at least flat.

But I have things to do - I'm trying to get as much done as possible before I go home for three weeks. Also, I refuse to take a snow day for less than a foot of snow. So I'm headed here this morning:
Does this make me a New England Weather Snob? You bet.

everything in its right place

My office is in this building. It is one of the ugliest, out-of-place buildings I think I have ever been in.

My office is on the 7th floor and from it I can see all the way past the West End from my desk. It's an amazing view.

Tonight I went up to the 14th floor and saw all of the city as the sun set and night fell - it was beautiful. I thought to myself, "I live here. This is my city."

This is the first time I've truly felt like it's not some sort of weird interim thing - I really am here, and this is really what I am doing. I have worked so hard to be here, and being here finally feels absolutely right.

left and leaving

This past weekend I was in New Hampshire for what is more than likely the last time, engaging in what I called Operation SEE ALL THE PEOPLE. It was like a choose-your-own adventure game, but featuring me. I would be in/on/around Planet UNH for about 56 consecutive hours (including sleeping) and everyone had the opportunity to make plans with me - I would do whatever they wanted me to do. While this might sound like a logistical disaster it actually worked out very well - I think I saw something like 30-40 people while I was around.

And everyone had such nice things to say! There were so many nice words of affirmation and love and encouragement from so many people - people who i seriously respect were telling me that I am inspiring and motivated and intelligent and Going To Do Great Things.

It was strange to be in a place where I was essentially outmoded - the freshmen are tiny babies and I felt too old and out of place. (A friend put it well when she said "if you had been here for another year you would hate it. you've maximized the university at this point.") While I'm really nervous about meeting my new department on Thursday - they are all going to be smarter than me! - I am super excited about the classes that I'm taking and what I will be doing. I know that I am definitely making the right decision. There's no second guessing getting on a plane.

i am a visitor here; i am not permanent

Monday was Day 2 of Research at Harvard! Since I do not actually go to Harvard, I have really limited access to their resources. Though I have the privilege of merely being in this building, even if it is for such a short, short time, I am not really allowed to do very much. If I want to see something, I have to request it; about two hours later someone will deliver it to me. (I like to think there are library elves involved.) I usually interact with about two library staff members maximum.

As a "visiting academic" (that's really strange to say; do I even qualify for that title?) this there are only so many things that you can expect me to know. The floor plan, for instance, is not one of them, especially when you are allowed in a room and a half. Since I don't have stacks privileges, I have no idea where the books I am requesting are. I know a lot of them are generally rather localized in one place based on their call numbers, but I don't know where this place is. It's part of the mythical, forbidden places in the building!

So you can imagine my surprise when one of the librarians came back to my desk in the reading room with two of my request slips and said "You can go get these yourself." What?! I can only be in here and in the bathroom! YOU CAN'T GIVE ME THAT SORT OF POWER.

It turns out that I'm allowed to be in a few more places than I originally suspected, including "up the stairs and in the big reading room". This room holds the most commonly accessed books and big huge mega tables for everyone to use. I guess this makes sense. Apparently everyone with access to the library has access to this room; it's in all of their publications about Widener, so I guess it's a kind of famous room. Kind of a shame, because the rest of the library is, in my opinion, way more beautiful than this one room. (The reading room I'm usually in is full of white stone and mahogany wood fixtures with stainless steel accents. We have a giant skylight above us. It is gorgeous.) But it's kind of like saying you like one palace over another... they're both gorgeous in their own way.

Just to get to this other room you have to go up a MARBLE STAIRCASE. However, nobody works in that room to help you, which is why there would be no point to me spending my time there. The library elves wouldn't be able to collect my resources for me.

Later I found out that I'm not granted access to one of the documents I requested that morning. I was sent to another room (Three rooms in one day! so exciting) and one of the librarians took pity on me. She is arranging for me to get special access to this one document! I have to wait for this request to go through, and I will probably have to bring latex gloves to make sure that I don't ruin it with fingerprints or something.

On my lunch break I half-listened to a campus tour guide brag about how she had been in Widener once. Harvard's campus tours won't bring them anywhere near the library the undergrads are allowed into, but they will bring you in front of Widener! Ha ha, kiddos, I AM ALLOWED IN WIDENER...for four more days this year!

Use your education and take an educated guess

You are probably all on the edges of your seats waiting to hear about Harvard. Am I right? HA! I knew it.

I didn't have any problems getting access to Widener. In order to be granted Library Privileges, I had to bring a letter from my public library stating that my needs as a scholar do not exist outside this one building. I was granted Reading Room privileges as expected, which means I am allowed in exactly one and a half rooms in this giant, beautiful library: the reading room and the bathroom (a bathroom doesn't count as a real room in my book; it's a little past the circulation desk, so I guess we'll call that space "half a room"). Apparently I am also allowed in a computer lab if I am not bringing a computer with me; because I am bringing my laptop that has been nullified.

Anyway, this is what my Harvard University ID looks like. (Please appreciate my terrible haircut.) I am allowed into Widener Research Library for 6 days per 12 month period. So even though this card expires a year from now, I have five more days in this library. A day is 24 hours from original swipe-in, so I am allowed to leave for lunch and whatnot. This does not quite factor in the fact that this library is not open 24 hours a day, but no matter. This is Harvard, they can do what they like.

In the humanities (or "Not-Science"), the word "research" usually is translated into "reading a lot of things." The professor I'm working for - an ancient man with an adorably out-of-date laptop - presented me with a 46 page bibliography and told me to look through it and select what I wanted to read. From there, I would find these texts in the library catalog. I am not allowed in the stacks (if you want a study carrel you have to apply for that too. This place does not fuck around!), so I have to request individual journals to make photocopies of the articles. I can request up to 10 things per hour; I don't know if anyone actually achieves this over the course of a day. Dr Green has borrowing privileges, so if I want to take any books out to bring home, he has to do it for me. He is very nice about this, if not very deaf; the rest of the Reading Room was not very pleased whenever we talked.

I spent the morning getting used to their library catalog and generally making a mess of my to-find list. You guys, this is what research was like before the internet! I filled out a bunch of request forms and looked up more things. I've used a lot of the journals listed in this bibliography... and I remembered that I didn't have to go to the Dimond Library to do so. It turns out that a few of these journals are available online through JSTOR! (Un?)surprisingly, you need a Harvard logon to use their JSTOR access, but through UNH's blackboard portal I can still use these resources. DEAR EVERYONE AT UNH: BLACKBOARD DID SOMETHING RIGHT FOR A CHANGE. WRAP YOUR MIND AROUND THAT. IT'S CONFUSING RIGHT?

I was still waiting for my earlier requests to come through, so I took a lunch break. I don't know Cambridge well, so I ended up going across the street to Qdoba and bringing my lunch back to Harvard Yard. In the maybe 30 minutes I was out there, no less than six people assumed I was a Harvard student and asked me for directions. I am pleased that I look appropriately collegiate.

When I came back, my requests had come through, so I now had the daunting task of remembering why I wanted them and making photocopies. I would just like to throw it out there how happy I am that UNH put all of our information on just one card; I have a separate card from Dr Green just for printing/photocopying. It took me three different documents to figure out that the copier auto-double-sides everything. This copier had a very effective guide of how it worked (COPIES COME OUT HERE, COLLATED PAGES GO IN HERE, MORE PAPER IS AVAILABLE AT THE DESK ASK FOR HELP etc) - clearly they realize that while the world's premiere academics can think about complex things they (we?) cannot handle Xerox machines.

Anyway, Dr Green had to run off to a meeting for the afternoon, so I ended up leaving Widener around 3 pm with three books, six articles, and a fairly infinite number of articles available on-line. Basically I do not have to be in Boston every day (which is a life saver, waking up at 5 am just to get into Boston around 8 was going to kill me!) However, I am now officially calling August the Tour De La Bibliothèques while I read and take notes. On Wednesday I read thirty pages about the sentence "I love you" on my way home; Thursday I camped out in my town's sometimes-commmunityesque college and brushed up on doing pragmatics.

Doing pragmatics is serious business.

Brain so good, coulda swore you went to college

I am starting a new research project with a professor at BU this week. I'm very excited, there's something wonderful about starting a new project. I don't know all of the details about my role as Unpaid Academic Slave Labor, but I do know that I will be spending a lot of time in two libraries. One of them is the BU library, which pretty much anyone can walk into.

The other one is Harvard's Widener Library.
Harvard has a lot of libraries. They all seem awfully specific. Some are more strict than others, but overall the general rule is that if you want to use one of their libraries, you just have to be somehow affiliated with Harvard and be able to prove it.

It just so happens that Widener has the strictest policy for visitors. It is "a research institution for the use of Harvard students, faculty, staff, and visiting researchers, and is not open for public visitation or tours by individuals not affiliated with the University."

If you are one of the following:
a) a Harvard Alumni
b) a faculty member at another institution
c) a doctoral student at Harvard
You are allowed in Widener. Your access is varied depending on your status (ie, alums can only use the Reading Room but not the stacks).

If you are d) EVERYONE ELSE you have to apply for visiting privileges. Even if you are a doctoral candidate at another school, you still have to apply. These visiting privileges are for six days total for a twelve month period. To obtain visiting privileges, you must present a letter to the Library Privileges Office from the reference librarian of their university or Boston metropolitan public library stating that the specific library materials needed are not available elsewhere.

Let's review for a second: I AM APPLYING TO GET ACCESS TO ONE OF THE MOST SUPER-STRICT OF LIBRARIES IN THE UNITED STATES.

Dear Linguistics, YOUR LOVE IS MY DRUG

1. So I went on that job interview. And I didn't fuck it up ... until they very end!
I talked to the ladies who currently are Administrative Assistants-slash-Grammatical Editors; they gave me a cup of coffee, an article to edit, and a red pen. It's like my dream job interview! And apparently nobody's ever done that well on their practice document before, so they were a little bit floored. Basically, they were like "We really like you, we'll let you know by Friday. Is there anything else you want us to know?"

And I was all, "Well, I'm sorry that you didn't get back to me earlier in the summer when I had full availability; I can only do this part-time right now - I've been working (will be starting to work, ahem, whatever) with a professor at BU and then I'm moving to Scotland for grad school."

Lady: (jaw drop)"Well, thanks for taking the time to come in."

And then I walked out. I haven't felt that badass in a while.


2. SPEAKING OF BADASS (this is relative, perhaps if you are not me, you will not feel the same way)
I heard back from another professor I e-mailed recently. He's been busy wrapping up this project which is essentially a corpus of Old English Poetics and language "to detect relationships between, and structures within, poetic texts in [the] Old English [corpus]". He had been away for a week, which means he just got my e-mail and apologized if he missed out on having me on board due to this fact.
But he also warned me that
a) they had run out of funding
b) they were nearly finished with it
c) I AM ACTUALLY OVERQUALIFIED TO DO THIS.


3. Oh, and Sarah Palin called herself Shakespeare and I wrote about it.

YOU GUYS, THIS IS AWESOME.

From proto-Sanskrit Minoans to Porto-centric Lisboans, Greek Cypriots and and hobbisots who hang around in quotes a lot

So I write a column for The Examiner about linguistics. (you might have heard about it.) It's a lot of fun, there's a lot of freedom to write about whatever you want as long as it's relevant to your topic. However, next to nothing happens linguistically on a day to day basis, and rarely does anything especially "local" happens in my field - sometimes it's a bit of a stretch to come up with stuff to talk about! As a result, a lot of my columns are mostly extravagant concessions on my part.

Much like this blog, I have no idea who is reading my columns. I'm not really promoting this page at all, so it's often like shouting into the void. Writing for the Examiner is similar in that I'm still kind of shouting into the void, but I'm also putting all of my articles on StumbleUpon and sending a few people my articles. I'm trying a little harder. I have garnered some readership, and unlike this blog, I have some analytics available for The Examiner. I usually get about 60-90 page hits on days that I write. This baffles me, because I don't think I could think of 60-90 people who would want to hear what I have to say. Other than the people I've bullied into reading (thanks, if you're reading; I do really appreciate it, and I'm sorry if it's annoying) and a few people in my family who are sort of required to read my articles (ahem, Mom & Dad) I don't think I could come up with 60-90 people off the top of my head!

But for the first time since I started writing for The Examiner, something linguistically newsworthy happened and I wrote about it for yesterday's article. I then went to Boston for a day and a half to dog-sit with my friend KA. Upon coming back, I found out that I was on the front of the Society & Culture page and had been on the front page of the Boston Examiner yesterday, leading to my highest readership ever - just from one article! I am currently the third-most read Society & Culture Examiner behind the New York Charities Examiner. I am floored!

1,413 people were interested in what I had to say yesterday. That's pretty cool. If you've been reading all along - thanks so much.

An Annotated Diagram of the Freelance Writer

Welcome to Day 1 of Living the English Major Dream! Normally I would be sitting around my house, but I decided to drag myself to my local coffeeshop to work.

Just kidding. I totally don't like lattes. That was black coffee.

EDIT (6:28 PM) my column just went up! you can see it at http://www.examiner.com/x-53217-Boston-Linguistics-Examiner

Q: Heather, what have you been up to, now that you have finished your thesis?

A: My post-thesis life has been rather uneventful.

1. From Tuesday at 12:45 PM until approximately 11 AM on Thursday I put a pause on my life to merely exist without any responsibilities or paper-writing (or, arguably, any thinking).

2. I started applying for jobs. I didn't have a resume until Thursday because there wasn't really a need for one, but now I do! Because I will have a BA, I have decided I was going to avoid working at Wal-mart or whatever, and instead try to get a job that will make me feel like a real person for a while... so I'm applying to be a receptionist/administrative assistant. This process mostly involves re-addressing my cover letter and occasionally mixing up what website I got their job posting from, only to realize AFTER having made a pdf and sending it. That's not especially professional!

3. I saw Girl Talk again. Gregg Gillis puts on one hell of a dance party!


Today is mother's day ... but Mom is currently in London with Dad at a stamp convention. Since I can't really say happy mother's day (my family, as a whole, is very bad at communication sometimes) to her at the moment, HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY MOM. you rock.

As we inch closer to graduation, groups are coming out of the woodwork to Celebrate! The other day I got an invitation to a Commencement reception from the Affirmative Action and Equity Office, celebrating me... how do you know about me, Affirmative Action and Equity Office? Apparently tomorrow I am being honored by the Office of Multicultural Student Affairs, too; I would like to point out that I don't do anything worthy of merit.

lately i have been thinking about academia

"Decide that you like college. In your dorm you meet many nice people. Some are smarter than you. And some, you notice, are dumber than you. You will continue, unfortunately, to view the world in exactly these terms for the rest of your life."

-- Lorrie Moore

After this ridiculously crazy no-sleep, no-social-life, all-work thesis process I can't help but wonder why I have signed up for five to seven more years of masochism. And then I think about how rewarding of a process it is, but how truly frustrating it can be. It takes so much self control to not punch people in the face sometimes.

I think everyone should have to write a thesis / do some sort of equivalent senior capstone project in whatever discipline they choose to study -- way too many people float through college. Show me that you actually learned something while you were here rather than drank yourself to death every weekend. And take some goddamn pride in your work!


I am almost done with my thesis. I have a few minor things to tweak, but I'm very close.

Hey everybody, come check out how great I am!

My presentations yesterday went really well. (This is a blog about my thesis right? Guess what - you get to hear more about it!) Unfortunately, my project is not the most self-explanatory thing ever, so even though I had a sweet 32x40 semi-shiny sheet of paper, I usually had to walk people through it. This is fine unless more people show up halfway through my spiel, but I'm not complaining - a lot of my friends dropped by the poster presentation and a whole bunch of people came to my presentation to the English department. Thanks for checking out my work!

My parents The Scientists came up for the day, which provided almost unending entertainment. Some background: My dad is a PhD chemist and my mother is a biochemist who did some early work on the human genome project in Canada. These days they are writing manuals for scientific instruments, but the liberal arts are not their thing. Watching them try not to kill themselves during the four hours of the English Department Honors Conference was hilarious - the better a presentation was, the more they looked like they were going to put hot forks through their eyes. They are very intelligent people, but this is quite simply not what they do.

HIGHLIGHTS:
- Mom and Dad sitting next to Dennis Britton at the English department thesis reading, who is prone to flailing when he gets excited about things - especially the analysis of female and male sexuality in Spencer's The Faerie Queen
(to be honest, that was the longest amount of time I had ever seen Dennis sit still)
- Sarah Sherman, interim honors director for the English department, who was just so over this whole situation. "This is blah blah and they like this. their thesis is about this. sadly, there are still eight more presentation after this." (Not a direct quote, but close.)
- Mary Clark sitting behind me, having a grand time: "Hmmm. I don't think so. hmmm."
- the look on the English department's collective face when I introduced an equation to their lives. HILARIOUS. Luckily, we switched back to words quickly. (Meanwhile, Mom and Dad were celebrating the fact they finally understood something happening.)
- Mom and Dad finally meeting Shelly. Shelly and my mom could possibly be the same person - they have the same mannerisms.

Here is a very picture of me explaining my research to one of my many advisors (left) and my friend Kallie (right)

legs to make us longer

I took a thesis vacation yesterday evening.

Basically, I'm trying to drink less. Due to this one-month-ish time constraint (my thesis is due on May 10), I can't afford to go out drinking mostly because of the time commitment. I have things to do, and I can't be hungover while doing them - it's a miserable experience. And, I'd rather not do this very serious, important work while drunk. So I have generally been showing up at parties kind of late, trying not to stick around for an exceptionally long time, and am limiting myself to no more than three beers, and especially No Being Drunk. I have been to a lot of parties and bars soberly these days, just to take a bit of a break from thesising. Look at me, being responsible!

So my choices last night were to go to a Joint Birthday Party, as two of my friends are turning 21-and-12-months this upcoming week, to go to a bunch of bars with another friend, or to see Kaki King in Boston.

Friends: I love you, you know this. But I took the Kaki King option. Even though a group of my friends are seeing her in Portland on 4/20 (ahem...) it was in my best interest not to do that. I have work to do, and I can't afford to lose all that time. I'd feel much better if it was on a weekend... so I went down to Boston with my friend Nicole.

And you know what? it was totally worth it. I ended up in front row, three feet away from her. She's this tiny, hot, ferocious woman (totally unexpected, by the way) who can fucking rock. I've liked her for a long time; I went to this concert to see her reproduce her albums' beauty. I left this concert with an intellectual and musical boner for her. Holy shit. opening with this song - disregard the Jimmy Fallon bit, sorry about that -


This happened too. No big deal or anything...

She ended her set by turning Jessica - a soft, light song, into a 7+ minute rock out. AMAZING. and then closed her encore with a dance-party version of Gay Sons of Lesbian Mothers. So, I'm in awe and stuff. And I only see awesome concerts.

my thesis beard has been coming in nicely

this has been the best twenty-nine cents i have spent in a long time.

(to see a picture of me where i look exactly like my father, please click here).

I can't stop, that's why I'm hot

One of the side effects of thesis-writing is a sheer and utter disregard for things happening outside your little thesis cave... which is how i almost forgot about the commencement fair yesterday.

Incidentally, I had also forgotten that I'm graduating in a relatively short period of time. (Another side-effect of thesising is that you get so engrossed in your work you don't have time to worry about anything other than your thesis.) This is very convenient in that you don't have time to freak out about graduation or allow senoritis to kick in.

Though I am very sad I did not personally take this picture, I did stand next to this woman while waiting in line to get my cap and gown at the commencement fair. The Alumni Association really wanted us to go on a "Last Hurrah Lobster Bake". And by "wanted us to go" I really mean they had found middle-aged ladies to wear lobster hats and run around screaming excitedly about eating lobsters with your BEST FRIENDS FOREVER for the last time. Also it was $10. Obviously I am not attending.

And, despite my insistence that everyone should stop inviting me to everything ever, I consistently find myself alternating between linguisticking and Social Identity Awarenessing. I've decided I'm not attending anything unless I personally gain something from it. This vague "something" can be personal edification or food, saving me a food-journey. It turns out many social justice-oriented events also feature food, and my ideal event/linguisticking break involves both personal edification AND food, so if you are hoping to get me somewhere anytime soon, you should probably look into combining the two.

Which is how I found myself at the LGBTQ pancake breakfast this morning.. Despite my sheer dislike for Gay (adj.) + {Noun or Verb} to make a noun or verb phrase (Gay Marriage, Gay Lunch, Gay Parking My Car -- credit to Liz Feldman), I definitely attended Gay Breakfast today rather than sleeping. Free food > sleeping, and by waking up early/napping (far more realistically, this is what I've been doing) I have more time to work. Right?

For those of us keeping track at home, I have written eleven pages of my thesis from Saturday into Tuesday. This morning I've been editing my thesis as a whole, in preparation for Judgement Day With Shelly tomorrow, and I'm sort of amazed at what I've produced. In approximately three weeks I have not only restarted my thesis from word one, page one but synthesized four different theories into a working understanding of linguistic productivity, wrote a total of 17 pages out of my expected ~20 pages (one word and a period on page 17 totally counts) and have been loving every second of it. Despite my sometimes-vocal claims that this is exhausting and I can't wait for it to be over, I really do love this. Either I am delusional - probably from too much coffee, not enough sleep, or some combination of the two - or I have a very successful academic career ahead of me.

story of my life.

How many times have you said to yourself, "Oh good, I'm done working on that..." and then continued to stare at a screen of some sort?

PhD comics = academic truth. Sometimes I feel like a grad student already, albeit with infinitely less work.

soon i will give you an update on Thesis 2.0

but momentarily, this is a lot more important.

do doot DODOO DOOT DOO (a short story)

Apparently nobody reviews demographics OR contemporality when it came to picking performers for UNH; I would like to review that this is, in fact, New Hampshire. As a result, we have had concerts by Third Eye Blind, Ludacris, Snoop Dogg, Lupe Fiasco featuring Sean Kingston, Akon, Guster, Brand New, and Dropkick Murphys (among others) while I've been here.

Now, to be fair, I've gone to a few of these. I am not hating entirely on SCOPE, who is responsible for bringing these major concerts (though their comedians are questionable: Jimmy Fallon? Demetri Martin? Bo Burnham?? really guys?). Third Eye Blind was fun if not nostalgic for sure. And if Guster hadn't been full of drunk biddies it would have been a lot more fun. And, admittedly, I am a little bit disappointed in myself retroactively for not seeing Ludacris when he was here. BUT... That's a lot of hip-hop. And not all of campus listens to this kind of music - I know that I wouldn't pay even $5 to see Snoop Dogg or Akon; so overall I've been a bit disappointed in the acts brought to campus.

Though SCOPE promised "not another rap act!" I think we all had our apprehensions. We all waited nervously. Last year I found out that the decision process was between Death Cab for Cutie, Wilco and Guster, and they chose Guster - who had been to UNH several times in the past - yet again. Maybe this was a scheduling thing, a cost thing, an any thing. I don't know. I'm not in SCOPE. Or MUSO for that matter - who brought Girl Talk my sophomore year and are bringing the Mountain Goats tomorrow - so I suppose I'm not really allowed to criticize. But, I think the campus collective was all sort of nervous that Taylor Swift or Toby Keith was coming for our spring show.

BUT NO, thank god, they actually brought something likely to pique the interest of the part of campus who probably wouldn't go to see Snoop Dogg and Akon. They're bringing MGMT - refreshing! Exciting! And just announced on Monday! So I jumped at the chance to get tickets, knowing that they're going to go fast...and I don't have class on Wednesday mornings. That helped too. So I dragged my ass out of bed at 7:30 am, chugged a few cups of coffee and walked over to the MUB for 8:30, thinking this would be a reasonable time to start waiting for tickets which went on sale at 9:45. We couldn't leave the line unless you had someone to swap out for you, lest you lose your spot. So I was stuck there. Not too bad, this should be quick, right?

FOUR HOURS LATER

I had tickets to MGMT. And I had also listened to approximately a thousand people over the course of the past four hours say the initialism "M-G-M-T" (their name is pronounced "management", everyone, pay attention). I spent my morning standing and occasionally shuffling along between a biddy collective and two pretentious and otherwise apparently dumb English majors who spent the entire time alternatively talking about how great Chuck Palahniuk's books are and how much one of them looooves Alice in Wonderland and every concert that has happened in Boston in the past six months (and of course they had been to all of them).

I had contemplated about six ways to either kill myself or these girls, but all of them required that I drink more coffee. My well-documented hatred of mornings comes with my consumption of enough coffee to kill a small rodent. This is one of those conundrums in that I can't do anything productive until I have my coffee, but I can't have more coffee if I can't leave. (Luckily Oliver, Former Coffee Shop Employee, walked by and was willing to go on a coffee journey for me while I was getting slightly closer to the ticket office. He understands).

But - the long and short of all of this is that finally a big concert is happening at UNH that I am legitimately excited about and demographically more reasonable than something like 70% of the past concerts in the past four years. And while the biddies and yah-dudes will probably still be belligerently stupid at this, too, it will hopefully be a good time.