We mostly work to live, until we live to work

Previously on The Fake Palindrome:
I was fired from my job after working four days. You will recall that in an act of desperation I emailed a bunch of English and Linguistics professors at the nine million colleges near me, offering myself up as an Unpaid Academic Slave. (Does all of this sound unfamiliar? see more here.)

Who would say no to free labor? And - if I can say so - I have a damn impressive academic resume. I am insanely qualified for academic research, which is good, because I think it might be the only thing I am good at! The next day, checking my email, I had a response from a Dr Green at BU. He was on his way to the Biannual Chaucer Conference - it was love at first email.

He's preparing to write an article about Modern English pragmatics and wanted to know if I would be interested in working on a bibliographical survey for him. And, he added - "that would assure you weekly conversations and lunches until your plane leaves. It could be a way to escape the dog days of August." SIGN ME UP! I immediately wrote him back to say yes, and schedule a meeting with him. It might not be paid, but I'll get hang out at BU and Harvard libraries for a month! And it is not sitting on my ass at home, which is a very, very good thing.

***

Once upon a time, back in June, I was a viable job candidate. I had the whole summer ahead of me! I was applying for a bunch of administrative jobs, as I decided I wanted to work in an office. I don't see myself ever working in an office long-term, but it seemed like a good way to spend the summer. They would have AC, I would feel like a Real Person, and I would have some semblance of real-world experience.

Back in June, BBC* had an open position for an administrative assistant/grammarian for Complicated Science Documents Written By Scientists. Aside from Obscure Research, I am also ridiculously qualified to be your In-House Grammarian (even if this blog doesn't always show it!); I sent them my resume with a pretty good cover letter. And then I never heard back from them. So I kind of assumed that it was a lost cause and kept job-searching.

AND THEN THEY E-MAILED ME BACK ASKING ME TO SCHEDULE A INTERVIEW, the day after I had agreed to work with Dr. Green. I can only work part-time until early September. So I guess I am on my way to absolutely blow a job interview today.




*NOT the broadcasting company. This is a company near me; I'm not naming them by name for hopefully obvious reasons.

A Day in the Life

Hello blog friends! I have not forsaken you, I promise. It's just that nothing of extreme interest has happened to me as of late. I was in NH this past weekend; it was great to see many people in a very short span of time. Then I came home and continued to look for a (second?) job.

I also started my next casual research project, which is to prove that the latest Muse album is actually about George Orwell's 1984.

Don't get me wrong, I love being a columnist; it's a lot of fun and gives me an excuse to do things I would normally never do and call it "research" - for example, I watched Game 6 of the NBA finals so I could write this article. I might use it as an excuse to watch all of the World Cup next. However, it's not very lucrative at ALL - I have written 7 articles and made $3.53. I have no idea how people actually make a living as a freelancer. Maybe they don't write for The Examiner. Either way, I'm back to job-hunting. I'm friendly, reliable and smart... anything you throw at me, I will pick up very quickly. Someone please hire me!

Careerealism: My Life In Vignettes

BEER SUMMER: officially cancelled
Asking for a copy of my credit report as "acceptance of our offer" and then refusing to meet me in person means that you not legit. Thanks for playing!

Craigslist.com: The Modern Classifieds
Still sketchy. The more I use Craigslist the less I trust it... but it's kind of ideal for entry-level positions. I just wish that more information was required, like the name of your company. Or at least your field, so I know what I'm getting into.

Another Prospective Job Offer; More Absurd Than The Last One
I answered an ad the other day for a company in a town near mine, but in that vague sort of space wherein I know it is near me but have no idea how to get there. Thinking a 30ish minute commute is reasonable, I send my resume on a whim. That afternoon I get a response inviting me to an interview with them next week (on my birthday, too!). This company is called WOMEN WORKOUT WORLD, it is a "Fitness Spa", and I would be an administrative assistant. The level of amusement this job would promise is, if possible, better than the last one.

Mission Statement of Women Workout World:
We are a community of women committed to your well being. We offer the best in a fitness facility, including our exceptional team of fitness experts, high-end cardio equipment with personal TV’s, strength training equipment, over 40 group fitness classes, a private boxing room, babysitting room staffed by CPR certified childcare professionals, tanning, massage, infrared saunas (as seen on Oprah), and a juice bar! At Women, we understand that you are unique. Our qualified, professional staff can help personalize a fitness program tailored to your specific needs and goals, and are always available to help.

People I could be dealing with directly, all summer long:

there is life after college!

I wish I had some exciting unemployment stories for you, but for the most part I have been sitting around watching episodes of 30 Rock for hours on end, reading a lot, conducting important research on pop songs featuring Ludacris (he's the best part of every single one of them, and believe me, he's featured in a lot of songs) and watching Trending Twitter Topics for new words (did you know that this whole Boston water crisis is called the 'aqua apocalypse'?). Oh, and I've been chased around my house by the most terrifying ants of all time - these fuckers are about 1/3 of an inch long and do not die.

As you can tell, it has been an exciting week and a half of unemployment. But now, through some miracle, I have a job offer!

As I have said before, I have a tendency to have very interesting summers, though entirely by accident. This summer I have an offer to be employed by the Budweiser Corporation, a part of the Anheuser-Busch Companies, as a receptionist in Medford, MA. Yes! You read that correctly: BEER SUMMER.

And it would be fun.

But there is a problem: I got this job through Craigslist, without an interview. They want me to fill out a credit report to prove that I am who I claim to be. This screams SKETCHY! I'm hoping to actually go to Medford and meet these people before I agree to anything. I have 36 hours left on my offer; I hope they get back to me!

what do you do with a BA in English?

Now that I am officially a college graduate, I am living at home (like any good post-collegiate person does in the 2000s) and am trying to get a job.

Though I might be a leading expert in my field, this is a slow-moving process. It turns out I have very few marketable skills beyond comparative literary studies, translating Beowulf from Old English to Modern English, and telling you the underlying structures of language. Unsurprisingly, our modern workforce does not really need to these abilities. (Do you need someone with these qualifications? I'M YOUR GIRL. give me a holler.)

Luckily, I live equidistant from two major cities, and I have been stalking jobs for both of them on craiglist.com in addition to driving around, submitting applications to places which would be entertaining to work at.

So far I'm not exceptionally worried. I have a tendency to have interesting summers entirely by accident; something will fall into place.